Ministry can be brutal! I have had some moments in the life of my ministry that I thought if I took one more step I would literally crumble and cease to function. But for some reason my story is not an isolated case. Hearing from many pastors, well those who are honest enough to share about it, I have realised that ministry can kill and as Mark Driscoll once taught, we can suffer DEATH BY MINISTRY!
I remember a recent season of ministry where everything I did seemed to bring me more trouble. It seemed that once one issue was dealt with there was another test lining up ready to pounce. Each trial came with greater intensity as they all seemed to build upon each other. It got so overwhelming that I was dazed and confused and wondering what on earth was going on! But even in the midst of this dark season the fire of devotion to Jesus and commitment to His mission could not be snuffed out. Without Jesus I would have collapsed and burned out.
As I began seeking God for answers I had to endure those painful moments of heaven’s silence. You might know what I’m talking about. You’re crying out to God and almost pleading for breakthrough, but the silence you get from heaven is deafening. But I persisted and kept on going to Jesus knowing that He would give me freedom when He decided the timing was right.
But then one Monday night back in May (2008) God gave me a dream. Now please understand, God has never spoken to me in a dream before and rarely do I even remember dreams because I am so dead tired that a crying baby and a cuddly wife has got no hope of rousing this dead lump, but this time was different. In this dream I was being led through a large church campus and it was so beautiful. I soon found myself in a large auditorium filled with thousands of people worshipping Jesus. My attention focused on the large screens beside the platform and all I could see was a Bible verse in big white letters…PSALM 40:3. This verse was shown to me on three occasions during this dream.
As soon as I awoke I went to my home office and opened up to Psalm 40. Here is what it says from verses 1 to 5…
Psalm 40:1-5 (ESV)
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!
5 You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
God expanded on this and it felt as if He was saying to me, Mark, no more singing a song of misery, confusion and doubt, it is time to start singing a new song…a song that I will give to you…a song that will cause many to put their trust in Me. So I did and I still am.
Something changed that day and Jesus has led me out of that long, dark valley and now I am dancing and singing a song of joy as I see Jesus working. Since then a lot has happened and breakthrough has occured in many areas and it is just the beginning.
One major lesson in this that I will carry with me for all of my days - Sometimes I have to wait patiently for God, but when the time is right He will always breakthrough in a way that defies imagination. God is so good and I am extremely thankful for what He has done and the wonderful deeds He is yet to do. I am more hopeful now as I’ve ever been. More secure in my calling as I’ve ever been. More focused and clear on the mission as I’ve ever been. What lies ahead is bigger and better than I could ever dream of.
So if you’re reading this and you too are in that dark, gloomy season, then wait because your salvation is approaching and Jesus will reveal His glory and power. He never fails, never forgets, never abandons, never late, never early, never wrong and never distant. Use this time to draw nearer to Him and wait expectantly for your miracle.
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