Pastor’s Journal Entry #3
Ministry is tiring and I can really see how it has the potential to kill. Mark Driscoll once did a great series of teachings titled “Death By Ministry” and leading CityWest Church for almost 7 years now I can understand his perspective. There were seasons over the past few years where I was so close to burnout that it scared me. I slowly felt myself drifting into a numbness and a deadness inside that made me deaf to God’s voice, unmoved by the hurts and needs of others and totally disinterested with church and ministry. When a pastor gets that way something has to change or he can do some serious damage to those around him.
But today I am reformed and Jesus has messed me up in a good way. After some painful sessions of confession and repentance God stripped it all back and made me see what was really important. It was a time of refining that eventually led to a confidence in my calling like never before and a renewed devotion to Jesus that empowers me to go on. He has released me from all of the false expectations I placed on myself and for the first time in my life comfortable with who I am and who I am not.
You see, for many pastors there is a huge pressure to live up to some glimmering standard of perfection and to be the superman for the people. Flying-in to save the day with all of the wisdom that alludes the ordinary person, to rise above the problems of life and be untouched by them and to be the definitive example of holiness on earth. But what we soon discover is that pastors are ordinary human beings dealing with the same stuff a lay person would and not untouchable to life’s tragedies, trials and troubles.
There comes great freedom when Jesus deals with us in such a way that releases us from these unrealistic expectations and breaks us down to simply rely upon Him for everything. I love that! He is my life-source. He is the air I breathe and without Him I will suffocate. Jesus is enough for me.
Thankfully He dealt with me when He did because now as we are experiencing a beautiful move of God at our church I am prepared to handle it. Sure I don’t have all of the answers and there are still moments when I scratch my head wondering what’s happening, but I am convinced and persuaded that Jesus is Supreme God, in control and He is our Senior Pastor who is building His Church. I can now enjoy the journey and not just hold my breath until we reach the destination. I can see His grace surround me and be thankful for what He is doing and not dwell on what I don’t see happening.
In closing I want to encourage you. If you are a pastor I pray that your eyes will be focussed on Jesus and you will give Him complete and unhindered access to your ministry. It is after-all His church, His people and His purpose. He gave it and He can take it away. Your identity is NOT in your ministry but rather in Jesus. Be released and set free in Jesus’ Name and let Jesus lead you.
If you are one that feels life is chaotic and confusing then please stop for a moment, stop running and ask God a question, “God, who am I and why am I here?” You’ll find His answer will set you free and give you hope. You are not created to just survive and hold out for retirement. You are made to thrive and live with Jesus in a way that makes your life count. Don’t settle for average and empty.
Prayer: “Jesus, thank you for being our Saviour. Without you life does not make sense and it all gets overwhelming and insane. But you give balance, hope and meaning and you alone can save us. May today be a day of release for many people. A day in which they discover who they are in you and what this life is for. Open up their eyes to see the beauty of it all and enjoy the evidences of your grace surrounding them. Be glorified and honoured in everything as we live for you. I love you Jesus and it is in your name I pray, Amen.”
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