Pastor’s Journal Entry #2
As I look back at this past week or so I see myself battling with many distractions. You know the feeling, it’s like you are busy running around but you don’t feel productive or that you are actually achieving much at all. I sense a slight uneasiness within me as my mind is filled with so many thoughts and the pull to slow down, regroup and refocus is grabbing my attention. So I sit down at my desk, relaxation music on and I need to blog for awhile and review.
In this season of my life a big balancing act for me is aiming to be a faithful follower of Jesus Christ, a loving and helpful husband to my wife Caroline, a supportive and loving dad to my four kids, a strong and compassionate bi-vocational church pastor, a great employee and whatever other role I am called to live. But one area that is challenging for me is the fact that at this stage I need to work a part-time secular job and thankfully the church can support me for 2 days per week. This is hard as each are full-time jobs in themselves. My heart is for ministry and I long for the day when I can commit to pastoring CityWest Church full time. But until that happens the balancing act continues. So in the midst of this I have recently found myself being divided and pulled from one to the other. My secular work demands a lot from me and the stress levels and responsibilities are far greater than my previous employment. But the hours are flexible and I can shuffle them around quite a bit. On the other hand my ministry is also very demanding and I have a long list of things I still need to get done such as entire training courses to re-do and finalize, greater focus on leadership training, running discipleship courses, people to meet with and pray for, sermon and series preparation and on and on it goes. Now as the church is growing I am needing to spend so much more time working ON the church instead of just working IN the church.
This got me thinking that if I am to successfully navigate this season I need to learn the art of slowing down to be with Jesus, to gain my strength and peace from Him and find solitude with Him. Through this I will be able to seek and find His wisdom on how to make this work. I don’t want any area of my life to suffer during this. My wife and four kids deserve my best, my church deserves my best, my employer deserves my best and so do the many others in my life. But wouldn’t you agree that Jesus alone can make the hectic lives we live manageable and bearable? I am assured that if I go to Jesus, stay devoted and live His way I will find the peace I crave. Isaiah 32:17 (ESV) reminds us, “…the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.” That verse simply says that as I stay close to God and live out of His righteousness and as I quiet myself before Him and trust that it is all in His hands I will find peace - it’s a peace that transcends all understanding. Oh I feel it already!
Through it all, though not exactly how I’d like it, Jesus is teaching me that as I trust Him and give Him total control He gives me the ability to see the evidence of grace all around me. His grace that is showered over my life, saturating me with His goodness can easily go unnoticed when I allow myself to get over-tired, over-extended, over-busy and over-complicated. I am trying as often as possible to thank Jesus for His abundance of grace and instead of dwelling on the negative - which I do so well - I want to pause and force myself to be thankful and worshipful of His beautiful grace. To not get stuck on the way I would like things to be but rather praise Him for the way things are and trust His Sovereignty.
Prayer:
“Jesus, you are enough for me. I don’t need to add anything else to you or search for any other. Thank you for giving me your best and enabling me to carry on. Even when it’s tough I know you are stable and secure. Even when I am out of control, you are solid. Thank you for being my Rock. I trust you. I depend upon you. I adore you. I live for you. I want nothing unless it comes from your hand. If you’re not in it, I don’t want it. You alone know what is best for me and what I need to fulfil what you’ve asked of me. I pray that how I respond to life glorifies you and brings you great joy. I love you more than life itself. In your name I pray, Amen.“
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